It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sober January is a disaster.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
