You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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