I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
