at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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