I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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