foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
