Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
