in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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