if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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