Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
