This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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