I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
