i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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