I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
