I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
