why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
