Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
