Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
