she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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