these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
