I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
