A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
