The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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