Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
