My hand turned me down
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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