i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
