You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
