So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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