So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I forgot how hot balto sounded
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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