we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
