Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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