im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
