I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
