Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this beer tastes like vomit already
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
