Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
