I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
