best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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