Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
