You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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