Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And then he peed in my hair
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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