why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
