My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
