Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
