She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
