I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
