I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
