is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
