Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
