I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
