Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
