my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
